Redefining Success by Assessing What You Don't Want

Have you ever thought about goals backwards? Like maybe instead of focusing on what you want, focusing on what you don’t want?  Here is what I mean.  I might not exactly know what I want my goal to be but I know that I don’t want to eat Oreo’s at night because it makes me feel bad.

Turning the concept of goal-setting on its head can be a surprisingly effective strategy. Let's delve deeper into the notion of "anti-goals" and explore how they can empower you to refine your aspirations and stay committed to your goals.

Have you ever found yourself struggling to define your goals? Maybe you're unsure of what you truly desire, or perhaps you're overwhelmed by the multitude of possibilities ahead. In these moments of uncertainty, it can be helpful to flip the script and consider what you don't want. This is where anti-goals come into play.

So, what exactly are anti-goals? Simply put, they're the inverse of traditional goals. Instead of focusing on what you want to achieve, you concentrate on what you want to avoid. It's a shift in perspective that can offer clarity and direction in times of ambiguity.  It also can just help you to keep on track with the general direction you want to go. 

For instance, let's say you're contemplating a career change but aren't sure which path to pursue. Rather than fixating on specific job titles or industries, you might start by listing the aspects of your current job that you find unfulfilling or draining. By identifying these "anti-elements," you can begin to narrow down your options and steer clear of similar situations in the future.

Similarly, anti-goals can be invaluable tools for staying on track once you've set your sights on a particular objective. Picture yourself striving to lead a healthier lifestyle. Instead of solely focusing on exercise routines and dietary restrictions, you could pinpoint the habits and behaviors you want to avoid, such as excessive snacking or binge watching TV in the evenings. By establishing clear anti-goals, you create guardrails that help you stay aligned with your overarching aspirations.

For women especially, anti-goals can serve as powerful allies in navigating societal expectations and personal ambitions. In a world where we are often inundated with conflicting messages about who we should be and what we should prioritize, anti-goals provide a means of asserting autonomy and carving out a path that resonates with your authentic self.  And, most often, the things we identify as “anti-goals” are the things that we feel the most shame about.  I know I sometimes have to remind myself “if I do this, it is going to make me feel bad about myself.”  This is because I have identified the areas that I don’t want to head towards and when I take a wrong turn, it feels very easy to beat myself up. 

Anti-goals can help you confront and challenge limiting beliefs (i.e. “I can’t lose weight”) or external pressures (i.e. party invites when you just don’t want to go) that may hinder your progress. By articulating what you refuse to accept or tolerate, you can reclaim control over your life and redefine success on your own terms.

To harness the potential of anti-goals effectively, consider the following steps:

1. **Reflect on your values**: Take some time to ponder what truly matters to you. What are the principles and ideals that guide your decisions and actions? And what does this mean to?  Why is it important?
2. **Identify pain points**: Think about past experiences or current circumstances that leave you feeling dissatisfied or unfulfilled. These areas of discomfort can offer valuable insights into your anti-goals.This is that shame I was talking about before.  If you eat the Oreo’s and then find yourself throwing insults at yourself later, this is probably an important area to start.  If you need more help navigating shame, I have a releasing shame training that comes as a FREE BONUS when you purchase my Motivate to Elevate mini course!  Check it out here.
3. **Frame them positively**: While anti-goals focus on what you want to avoid, it's essential to reframe them in a positive light. Instead of dwelling on what you don't want, shift your attention to what you do want to achieve.  For example, in order to feel better about myself and be a healthier version of myself, I am going to stop buying Oreo’s. 
4. **Integrate them into your planning**: Incorporate your anti-goals into your goal-setting process.  You might find after releasing some of the shame causing behaviors that you are ready to focus on and formulate a strong goal for your future self.  This is the ideal scenario! 
5. **Stay flexible**: As you navigate along your journey, remain open to reassessing and refining your anti-goals (and your goals in general!). Life is dynamic, and priorities may shift over time.  This is the fun part about life.  You don’t always need to do what you’ve always done.  This topic is going to be a future blog post because it is that important!

Anti-goals offer an alternative to traditional goal-setting methodologies, providing a roadmap for clarity, empowerment, and self-discovery. By embracing what you don't want, you pave the way for a more intentional and fulfilling pursuit of your aspirations. So, the next time you find yourself at a crossroads, consider looking backward to move forward.