Why We Fail at Goals - and How to Avoid It!

As I prepare to lead women through a transformative experience in my Mission Accomplished Protocol (MAP), I was thinking about the things that get in the way of people achieving their goals.  I think it boils down to 4 main things.  If you can take these 4 things and mitigate them - you can be successful at achieving whatever it is you want.  Any one of these things can throw you off course, so each one needs its own attention.  This is what my MAP system does.  It teaches how to avoid the main pitfalls that most people who “fail” at a goal fall into.  Let’s dive into the pitfalls so you can avoid them!

The first is lack of a plan.  You can not go into a goal without a plan.  Period the end.  The plan is your map.  It shows you how to get from where you are to where you want to go.  Better yet, I am going to call it your GPS because it will literally tell you where to go.  The plan doesn’t have to be your own.  You don’t have to be the one to create it, but you absolutely need it.  If you decide you want to lose weight, but you don’t have a plan for what to eat, how much to eat, when to eat - you are going to default back to what you know, which means nothing has changed and your goal fails.  If you want to get out of debt, but you are just throwing some money here and some money there and saving some and spending some, you don’t have a plan.  You don’t have focus.  One of the reasons why goals work so well and are so damn important for success is because it helps you focus.  Have you ever heard the saying “if everything is important, then nothing is important”?  It is one of my favorite quotes.  You can’t do it all at once.  The plan helps you focus.  If you are trying to do too many things at once your nervous system will become overwhelmed.  When this happens, you go into fight or flight mode, your brain tries to protect you and you give up on the goal because that goal is not essential to staying alive.  I know that sounds like a big exaggeration, but truth be told your body does not know the difference between anxiety from being overwhelmed and anxiety from being chased by a tiger.  All it knows is that it needs to protect itself and all non-essential functions shut down.  Having a plan creates clarity and peace so even when it’s hard, you know the steps and you can continue down the path. 

How to avoid this pitfall?  It’s pretty self-explanatory, but you need a plan.  Do a little research and find a plan that is suitable for your goal and just start following it.  I know this sounds oversimplified but if I am being honest with you (which I am!) then I need to tell you, it is that simple. Plan and take action. 

The second pitfall is lack of a plan aligned with YOU.  Obviously you know now that I believe a plan is a critical part of goal setting, but not just any old plan will do.  You have to find a plan that is right for you, your lifestyle and the time you have to commit to it.  For example, when I was looking for help with weight loss, I thought about going to the gym.  There were two things that stopped me from doing that:

1. I knew that I didn’t like the gym and I do like working out at home.

2. The gym wouldn’t have the level of nutrition support that I needed.  If I had signed up to go to the gym I know I would have failed. 

But in contrast to that, I had a friend that tried what I tried and was NOT successful!  She ended up joining a gym and she thrived in that atmosphere!!  This is a clear display of doing what is right for you is the most important.  We don’t all like the same things.  We don’t all get energy from the same things.  This is why the plan I lay out in my MAP program gives you the pillars that you need to be successful while allowing you to be an individual and follow that plan that is best suited for you!  I might give you tips and tricks but I am not going to tell you what to do.  I might give you tough love and push you to ditch your excuses, but I am not going to push you to do something outside of what your intuition is telling you.

How to avoid this pitfall?  Go within.  What do you like?  What has and has not worked for you in the past?  When looking at the options, which one makes you feel the most at ease and excited?  Something can challenge you (as a goal should!) and feel right at the very same time.  Go within and listen to what your body is telling you.

The third pitfall is poor time management.  I spent years telling myself I didn’t have time.  And what I realized in hindsight, was that I just wasn’t making the time. So it took eliminating my excuses around time to finally have the time to work toward my goal.  This is a hard one because you might honestly not realize you are making excuses.  You might honestly not realize that you are wasting time.  Americans are spending HOURS a day on screens - whether it is TV or social media I can guarantee you have time to work on your goal if you reduce your screen time.  Every person is going to have a different experience with time and how it is spent because we all have different obligations but the one thing that remains true is we all have the ability to make time for the things we want.  If you want this, make time for it.

How to avoid the pitfall?  Do a time study.  If you are not sure where your time is going or how you are going to make time, you need to take 3-7 days and write down everything you do to the minute.  This is how you will see how much time you are spending on your phone or watching TV.  This is how you will see that you have an extra 3 hours at night where you can be working toward your goal.  The time study makes it glaringly obvious where your time is going and then allows you to make changes so that you can make the time for your goal.

*A special note on time. There are times in my life that I needed extra help in order to achieve a goal.  When it came to marathon training, I needed help with meal prep because the time I usually took to do that was getting eaten up (pun intended) by running.  After you do your time study, you may realize that you need to ask for help in certain areas so that you can shift things around and make time for your goal.  You might not “find time” but you can make it.  And full disclosure, this has not been a perfect process for me.  It’s taken a lot of missteps to find the sweet spot. This is part of life - figuring out what works for you and what doesn’t.  The important thing is that you don’t let time be the reason you don’t take action.

The fourth and last pitfall people experience is no forward progress or lack of motivation.  Let me start by saying motivation will not always be present.  You will not always have motivation to work out, but you will do it anyway because you have a deeper connection with why you are doing it and because you know how good you will feel after you do it and because you are making progress!  If you are not making progress, you will give up on your goal.  Some reasons people don’t have forward progress: the goal is not right for them, there is no plan or not a plan that works for them, they are not putting the time in to achieve the goal - basically the 3 pitfalls noted above.  Here is another potential problem: they are not measuring progress so they can’t see it.  When I first started my weight loss journey, I will be honest, after 30 days of working out and eating right I was still the same weight.  THANKFULLY, I had also taken a picture of my body before I started and when I compared the starting picture to the 30 day picture I was blown away at the difference I could see in my body.  Measuring your goal and measuring it in multiple ways if possible, will make sure you can see the progress you are making!  As humans, we need rewards and being able to see forward progress is a reward for us!  

How to avoid this pitfall?  Well, I guess I just gave it away - make sure you have ways to measure the progress set up in advance.  Going after your goals can get hard sometimes.  You might feel down about yourself and need a reminder of why you are doing this and what you have accomplished so far.  Measuring and seeing forward progress is the best way to ignite the motivation to continue.  I would be lying if I told you I didn’t have ebbs and flows in my motivations - I do all the time!  Staying focused on forward progress helps to keep me chugging along even when it’s hard!  If you still aren’t seeing forward progress, we need to reevaluate the goal and the plan and ensure you are actually taking the appropriate actions to achieve the goal.  There are obviously many nuances to this depending on what your goal is which is why reflection and reevaluation is key.

Okay, so now you know about the 4 pitfalls, which one have you fallen victim to?  Which one is the hardest for you to avoid?  Take some time to reflect on your goals and desires and journal on each one of these pitfalls.  Where can you make some tweaks so you can achieve success?

If you want a deeper level of support so that you can have some mental peace and stop spending so much time beating yourself up over what you haven’t accomplished yet, join my 3 day goal getting challenge on January 8, 9 and 10, 2024.  You can get more information on this free challenge here!  I hope to see you there!